The East!
Round One
Chicago vs Indiana
- Game 1 – Pacers start series on a 14-4 run, causing the state of Indiana to proclaim the team as “the Butler of the NBA!” The Pacers then go on to lose 85-65, causing the state of Indiana to lament the team as “the Butler of the NBA.
Bulls wins 4-0
Miami vs Philadelphia
- The Heat coax a good performance out of LeBron by convincing him that they’re playing a special regular season series against the 76ers before the real playoffs start
- Game 5: Chris Bosh openly weeps in celebration of finally making the second round of the playoffs; Dwayne Wade sends an “FML” text to friends
Heat win 4-1
Boston vs New York
- Game 1: The Knicks stun the Celtics, spurred by the crunch time heroics of Carmelo Anthony and the collective will of hundreds of media members who want to pretend that this rivalry still matters
- Game 3: Celtics get their mojo back: Pierce starts hitting shots, Glen Davis forgets that he’s not very good and Rondo wishes he were big enough to punch someone in the face
- Game 6: Knicks fans begin summer-long pastime of convincing themselves that Chris Paul, Dwight Howard and the ghost of Dave DeBusschere will all sign this off-season
Celtics win 4-2
Orlando vs Atlanta
- ESPN makes a last-minute decision to reroute all staff working the series to Miami for extra coverage of the Heat. The Magic and Hawks players are asked to give an unbiased account of what happened
Magic win 4-2
Round Two
Chicago vs Orlando
- Game 2: At halftime of game in Chicago, Rose brings out an applause-o-meter to determine if him or Dwight Howard should be MVP. Rose is lauded for his fairness.
Bulls win 4-1
Miami vs Boston
- Game 1: Shaq battles back from injury and age to prove to the world that he is still a large man
Celtics win 4-2
Round Three
Chicago vs Boston
- Game 4: Watching Rose play, Rondo is shocked to discover that point guards are allowed to shoot jump shots; he would go on to call it the turning point of his career
Celtics win 4-2
Finals
Los Angeles vs Boston
- Game 6: Ray Allen is sure glad he took exquisite care of his body so he could shoot 36% in Finals for the second year in a row
- Game 7: Doc’s voice reaches a rasp level that can’t be heard by the human ear
Lakers win 4-3
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